Sexting, vibrator commercials, male enhancement ads, billboards with women in seductive lingerie, inappropriate pictures on cell phones, shopping bags displaying half-naked men, Facebook friends sharing steamy sections of erotic books or pornography. Our kids our inundated with sex. All the time. Everywhere. Culture is all too willing to educate where we parents may fear to tread.
Our kids have questions. They have feelings they may not quite understand when presented with the above scenarios. They may be confused about what it means for them and if there are any lines drawn in the sand when it comes to sex.
My husband and I decided to begin having in-depth conversations about this subject when our kids turned 11 or 12 years of age, depending on their maturity level. However, our determination didn’t smother our fear. We knew we needed help in this area.
Our desires included explaining God’s design for sex, helping our children set their own boundaries, and making escape plans when those boundaries are pushed.
Fortunately, before it was time to talk to our first-born daughter, I heard about “Passport2Purity.” A kit with CD’s, parent guide, and journal for the child, it aids the parent in explaining these difficult subjects and guides discussions between parent and child.
A weekend alone is set aside where time can be spent away from home for just mom and daughter or father and son. We pack snacks, supplies for the projects that go along with the lessons on the CD’s, and plan some fun down time. Although our children have an idea of what the weekend is about, they look forward to that one-on-one time with Mom or Dad.
The program is very easy to follow. We listened to the first part of the CD on the way to our destination introducing what the weekend is about. Once we check-in to the hotel and have a leisurely dinner, we finish the first lesson and project concerning challenges, traps, and choices she will be facing now and in the coming years. I appreciate the conversation guide as it opens the door for honest, heartfelt, and safe discussions.
After a short break, we begin lesson 2 regarding friendships and peer pressure. These conversations help in understanding the challenges she faces with her friends and enemies. She is challenged to consider the influence her peers are having on her and the influence she is having in return.
These conversations are lively and prove to be exhausting so sleep comes easy.
The next morning, it’s time for lesson 3 on the physical changes she will be seeing in herself and in boys her age (there is one specific CD for girls and one for boys). The importance of modesty is discussed along with the BIG talk which is sex. Although she is a bit disgusted thinking about the mechanics of sex and coming to the realization her own parents do something so scandalous, she has a lot of questions and wants to discuss it further.
Horrified looks are pure entertainment during this particular discussion.
A much-needed break is taken following this talk but then it’s soon time for lesson 4 regarding setting boundaries and deciding just how far she plans to go. Discussion enables me to set the boundary I would like to see her place but allows her time to set her own. We then discuss escape plans for when those boundaries are tested.
After 4 lessons we’ve earned some down time. Each of my children has their own idea of fun so we make sure to do something they enjoy. A few hours are spent just enjoying time together.
Upon returning, we do our last lesson of the weekend about dating. Agreements are made about the proper time to begin dating and what that will look like. We added an element of our own in making a list of non-negotiables their man must have in order for him to even be considered to date.
Then it’s time for a celebration dinner. I present her with her own passport that she signs agreeing to stay pure for her husband. And then I present her with a gift. A necklace with a heart and key. Something she will wear to remind her of her commitment to guard her heart and purity just for her husband. This can then be presented to her husband on their wedding night.
Will this one weekend keep my children from bad decisions? Maybe not. That requires constant conversation, teaching, discussion, questions, answers, and a lot of prayer! It’s tough to maintain sexual purity in today’s culture. However, I feel much better sending them out into the world knowing they have set their own boundaries through their own convictions and are armed with escape plans, if needed.
I highly recommend “Passport2Purity” if you are looking for a guide in speaking to your kids about the biblical view of sex. Although, it’s a bit hokey at times and their (Family Life) convictions are a bit stronger than mine, it opened the door for laughter and conversation.
I will continue to pray for my own children as well as for the children of those who like or comment on this blog. I’ll be praying for the strength and courage to maintain their sexual purity until marriage and for safe, open conversations between children and parents.
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©2013 Connie Davis Johnson