Archives For Marriage

Why Doesn't He Send Me Flowers

The flower delivery van drove up and parked in front of the office. Seeing the van through the windows, a co-worker announced “someone” would be getting flowers. However, we all knew that “someone” was one of two people in the office. The only two people to ever receive flowers from their husbands.

The delivery driver walked around the van, opened the door, and pulled out a large, beautiful bouquet of vibrantly colored flowers.

As we looked longingly at the bouquet coming through the door, we all began to lament how our husbands lacked the “I-think-I’ll-buy-my-wife-flowers-for-no-other-reason-than-I’m-romantic-and-I-want-to-show-her-how-much-I-love-her” trait.

A sense of disappointment and irritation began to flicker deep inside me and I began to vilify my husband in my mind. What kind of a husband never thinks of doing anything romantic for his wife?! How hard is it to simply dial a phone number to order a bouquet? I mean, criminy, it’s not like the guy has to pick the flowers and wire them together to arrange in a girly vase on his own! It’s a phone call! I wonder if I can get him into a remedial romantic class somewhere!

As the day wore on, my thoughts and attitude toward my husband worsened. By the time I arrived home from work, I was determined to let him know just what I thought of his un-romanticism. Since I arrived home first, it would have to wait.

By the time my husband’s car turned into the driveway, my sharp words were ready to hurl as soon as he walked in the door. But after waiting a few minutes, I heard him leave again in my car. Curses! The intense fellowship I had planned would have to wait.

Enough time passed without my husband coming home, I had no choice but to start on supper so we could get to our son’s basketball game that night on time.

As I started frying hamburgers, I heard the garage door open and my husband pulling into the driveway. He was home. And I was ready!

When he walked in, I turned to launch into my character assassination but before any words could leave my mouth, he pulled me into a big bear hug. Fine! I’ll take the hug but THEN we are having it out.

As he continued to hug me for a full minute, he told me how he bragged on me to his co-workers about the wonderful supper I had made the night before. He began telling me how lucky he was to have a wife who was such a good cook and how amazing the burgers smelled.

He then pulled away and said, “I filled your car with gas and checked the tire pressure. One of your tires was low so I added some air. I also checked the oil which looks good for now but I need to keep my eye on it. There may be a leak and I don’t want you to break down in the country. Oh, and I returned your library books that were in your car. And I also got money from the ATM for your lunch with your friends tomorrow so you won’t have to go by the bank first.”

The more he talked, the more my anger melted away.

Each sentence was like receiving another flower. He was putting together a beautiful word bouquet before my very eyes. How could I have questioned his worth as a husband?!

Gas and oil may not be the most romantic things a girl can receive but It is romantic knowing he is concerned with my well-being and safety. He genuinely enjoys taking care of me. And he’s proud to call me his wife.

My husband may not pick up the phone and order bouquets but that’s okay. I receive plenty of bouquets through his words and actions.

My thoughts were interrupted as my husband finally ended his lovely word bloom with, “So how was your day at work?”

Disarmed, I replied, “It was……uneventful. I couldn’t wait to get home to talk to you!” *wink*

What “outside-the-vase romance” do you receive from your husband?

©2016 Connie Davis Johnson

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  1. Prayer is essential to keeping God in the middle of our marriage.
  2. My breath still catches in my throat when I see him across a crowded room.
  3. We truly are growing old together.  But he becomes more handsome with each passing year.
  4. He can still make me laugh until I snort.
  5. He still treats me like a Princess.
  6. We’ve learned there will be times we argue but we do not “punish” each other by making the other guess our thoughts, bringing up past arguments, or by withholding intimacy.
  7. Sometimes (*gasp*)…….he’s right.  OW, that one hurt!!
  8. We’ve learned to love, respect, and be thankful for our differences.  This is vital since we are opposite in every way except for religious and moral views.
  9. It is NEVER a good time to discuss trivial matters or anything serious during UK basketball, Cardinal baseball, or Bronco football games.
  10. We have both mastered the art of shaking our head giving the illusion we are listening to the other when we really are not.  See number 9!
  11. It may take us a few minutes but we can always tell when the other is not listening.  See number 9!
  12. We never bash each other to our friends, family, or kids.
  13. I may have carried our children for 9 months and gone through labor but he is just as important to the kids as I am.
  14. No matter how long we are married, it will always be important to have strict boundaries with the opposite sex.
  15. Sometimes a listening ear and a hug is all that is needed.
  16. Love is a verb.  Although we have a settled upon division of duties, we “love” by helping the other at times.
  17. He never tells me “no.”  There is no other word that will get my dander up faster.  He’s become highly skilled at saying no without using the actual word, “no.”  For that I’m thankful!  However, an intense conversation usually follows any words he chooses to use that convey, “no.”
  18. I bend to his “want to know everything beforehand so there’s no surprises” nature by planning every detail of our vacations and researching every large purchase.  He bends toward my “sometimes I just want to live life and not answer a bunch of questions in advance” nature by not making me answer 1000 questions when going on my own trips for speaking, work, or missions.  He’s also learned not to ask about my Kohl’s purchases.
  19. We talk through all decisions and although one of us may need to concede a few points, we come to a mutual agreement before moving forward.
  20. There truly is “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.”  But we live it together and still cherish each other just as we promised.
  21. We started as best friends and we are still best friends.
  22. The kids may live on cereal and pizza when I’m away but he’s still a great dad!
  23. There are times we do go to bed angry.  But we always work it out in the morning.
  24. A sincere, “I’m sorry,” holds a lot of power.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life, Craig.  I love you more now than when I walked down the aisle 24 years ago.

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A Marriage Beyond Hope

February 14, 2013 — 10 Comments

137930475The first three years of marriage to my husband were extremely difficult.  We didn’t know how to be married and the honeymoon ended within the first week.  Both of us were in a power struggle and failed to take each others needs into consideration as we fought for our own wants.  Work and school filled our schedules.  We rarely saw each other.  When we were together, we fought.  My best friend slowly became my worst enemy.  After three years, we hit rock-bottom and contemplated divorce.  Although our marriage seemed beyond hope, divorce was not something either of us wanted.

We decided to make some drastic changes to give our marriage every chance to survive.  I changed jobs since my current position was causing much unneeded stress in our marriage.  We cut back on school and even adjusted our schedules so we could take some classes together.  This allowed more time to spend together.  We learned to communicate and not hold grudges from one fight to another.  Punishing each other for mistakes or disagreements was now off-limits.  All of these things were wonderful and made a difference.  However, there was one thing and one thing only that truly saved our marriage.  Prayer.

My husband insisted we begin praying together each and every night.  He would always go first and pray for me.  He thanked God for me and would shower me with compliments in the process.  He expressed gratitude for making me his wife and would tell God all the reasons he loved me.  He acknowledged all the things I had done that day to take care of the house and him.  Much healing took place during those times of prayer.  However, the biggest impact for me was in what was not said.

My husband never pointed across the bed and asked God to change me.  He only asked God to make him a better husband.  He asked God to help him do all the things I nagged him about during the day.  I had no idea he was even listening to me but his prayers proved otherwise and communicated his hope to become the husband I desired.

After he would finish, it was my turn and I felt the pressure.  Although there were times I was tempted to pray for all the changes I wanted God to make in my husband, I just couldn’t.  Instead, I followed my husband’s lead and would thank God for him, acknowledge his hard work, and pray for the changes I knew God needed to make in my own life so I could become the wife my husband desired.

In the following months, an amazing thing began to happen.  God began changing us as individuals and helped us grow together with Him at the center.  I’ve now been married to the love of my life for almost 24 years.  There have been tough times in those 24 years but God has always been faithful to restore us as long as we keep Him and prayer a priority.

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My husband, Craig and me.

The following are suggested ways to begin praying for your spouse and marriage:

Lord, I lift up my husband to You today:

  • Give him strength and wisdom throughout today.
  • Provide him with opportunities and the desire to spend quality time with our family.  Help him to manage his time wisely.
  • Give him wisdom with our finances and help us to remember that everything is Yours, entrusted to us for Your purposes.  Give him peace, assuring him that You will provide.  I pray he will love You with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength.
  • Help him to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
  • Protect him physically, mentally, and spiritually.
  • Help him to be a godly example to our children.
  • Make the path clear You want him to follow.
  • Give him peace and keep him free from worry.
  • Give him wisdom in all decisions he must make today.
  • Give him the desire and time to spend with You reading the Bible and in prayer.
  • Bring godly men into his life who will keep him accountable. 
  • Help him to be content at work, remembering to work with all his heart as if working for You and not for men.
  • Help him to deal with the frustrations at work in a godly manner.
  • Help his relationship with his boss be one of integrity.
  • Help him to overcome temptation that may come his way today.  Give him strength during those times and give him a clear escape.
  • Lord, help me to support my husband and be his companion, encourager, and friend.  Give me wisdom to know how and when to come alongside him and help him.
  • I pray that our home will be a peaceful, restful, safe haven for him. 
  • Help me to be someone he is proud to say is his wife.  Help me to release my husband from the burden of fulfilling me in areas that I should be lifting up to You.  Help me to accept him and not try to change him.  You made him the special man that he is and I thank you. 
  • I realize that neither of us is perfect and never will be.  Strengthen our marriage and help us to love one another even through our imperfections.  Only You, Lord, are perfect, and I look to You to perfect us. 

More suggestions on prayer are being shared on this blog each Thursday in February.

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